


i still have time to make it

by drowsilybearzerk



Category: Phantasy Star Online 2
Genre: Background Relationships, During Canon, Ethical Dilemmas, F/M, Faked Normalcy, Guilt, International Fanworks Day 2021, Military Background, Normal Life, On the Run, hooker with a heart of gold
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-02-09
Updated: 2021-02-09
Packaged: 2021-03-15 00:54:39
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,129
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29305314
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/drowsilybearzerk/pseuds/drowsilybearzerk
Summary: Ash had never been one to run away from his problems.That was, until Matoi. Now running is the only thing that makes sense. (takes place after EP 2 ~ten years ago~ but before EP 3; title is from queen bee's song, "fire")
Relationships: Ash/Matoi (Phantasy Star Online 2), Matoi/Player Character (Phantasy Star Online 2)
Kudos: 2





	i still have time to make it

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> chapter 1: in which ash decides that, when presented with the options of go big or go home, sometimes it's better to do neither, and decides to go AWOL.

Ash wished he had never gone back in time. Xion was right -- no one needed to know. No one benefited from the knowledge of what happened 10 years ago. Nothing changed as a result of him going back that far. Gettemhult was still dead. Melfonseana was still dead. Melrandia was still dealing with the fallout of both. Sarah was still one of Luther’s victims. Euclyta was still possessed, still missing. Afin was still alone. 

The only one he was able to do anything for was Matoi, and that was because he had brought her back with him, somehow. Matoi was in the present, alive and well, but knowing that she very well might not have been (that one day she might not be) plagued him like an infection. It sat deep in his chest, an ache he couldn’t ignore.

Whoever Persona was -- they had tried to kill Matoi. They had almost succeeded in killing Matoi, and they used his face to do it.

Ash wondered. Would she have been okay if they had never met?

He’d never struggled with insomnia before, but as he tried to sleep that day in the forgotten ship ran through his head, Xiao’s words echoing over his memory of the events.

_ “... The possibility is there... that she may lose control again. And since right now, that isn't yet the case... _

_... this may be the opportune time to finish her.  _ **_Objectively speaking, of course._ ** _ " _

To say that it had haunted him just as he went to bed would have been a lie. It haunted him even as he waited for her ARKS classes and certifications to finish.

Matoi was so excited. She finally got to do more than sit back, but she was unaware it was the worst thing that could happen to her.

Ash had been there. He knew what could happen if that darkness, nestled deep inside of Matoi, were to be released.

But Xiao’s words repeated ad infinitum in his head, even if he’d tried his hardest to not let it show. He felt like he was in a nightmare -- the kind where you woke up only to fall further in. Even now, that moment when Persona stabbed her played back in his head. The hurt and betrayal on her face, the fear, the willingness to end her own life --

She didn’t deserve that. All she’d wanted was a normal life, and this is what she got instead? However long he could keep that darkness at bay - a few days, a few weeks, years, but with the knowledge that it would eventually break free. Anger and despair rolled in his gut in equal measure and no matter how he’d tried, sleep wouldn’t come. So there he sat at the edge of his bed, head cradled in his hands, uncertain on how to proceed. Still, Ash kept as quiet as he could. Matoi shared the same quarters, though in a separate room.

(Ash was never really sure who approved the measure, but it was supposedly finished before [Loser]’s end.)

(Where else would she have gone? She didn’t have anyone else.)

He could hear her lightly snoring in the room over, deep in sleep as she always was. The forest scenery, something he’d swapped to after her move, played the sounds of crickets and wind blowing through trees, stars filling the fake night sky. Ash slowly moved from his spot on the bed and gently slid open the door, having shut off the automatic open function ages ago. 

Her room had been filled with “Get Well Soon” gifts: flowers, stuffed toys, balloons that were starting to deflate, postcards that were caringly tapped to the wall. (Ash had his own share of gift shop trinkets with his own bundles of balloons, but it took him much less time to recover.) Her bed had been piled with old hospital blankets, a multi-color candy toned quilt from one of the older nurses in the medbay, and pillows, creating a mountain of fabric and softness. Matoi moved in her sleep little, if ever at all. If she felt that anything was amiss, she didn’t show it now.

ARKS had been all Ash had ever planned for, since he was young. He’d wanted to help people, make a difference. Killing Matoi could save hundreds of thousands of people. Logically, he knew that. Logically, if another operative had turned into a falspawn, his training told him to pull the trigger. 

( _ “Pull the trigger,” his trainer had said, an older man with a buzz cut and a personality too jovial for a position that should have seen so much loss. “Or in the case of Ashley here, burn ‘em, freeze ‘em, stab ‘em, strangle ‘em, cut their jugular -- he’s one of those lucky few who gets  _ **_options_ ** _ , am I right?” _

_ The rest of the class burst into laughter as his trainer clapped him on the back. _

_ Ash didn’t think it was funny. _ )

But he couldn’t do it.

The idea hit him like a fist. They had to leave. If they left, if they never fought a single falspawn again -- Matoi would be okay. Nothing bad would happen. His mother always told him to do the right thing, even when no one was looking. Killing Matoi couldn’t be the right thing. Ash  _ wouldn’t _ do it. They could go to another ship -- no one would know them outside of ships one through four, their identities kept quiet for now. Even then, they could go in disguise, change their names, something.

Tickets to other ships were few and far in between, especially during times of great strife. (Like the former overseer being outed as part of the Dark Falz collective, for example.) But Ash knew of at least one person who might have a way out.

* * *

Ash had a feeling that, perhaps, 0X12 was used to midnight visitors. Just… a different kind of visitor.

“Oh, stars above Ash, let me at least cover up a bit,” she replied in a faux whisper -- loud enough to be heard, but hushed enough to make it seem like she was worried about her neighbors.

0X12 (quite obviously not her real name) had lived five quarters down from Ash since he’d arrived, and despite being a handful of years older, joined ARKS in the same year, though in a different class. He knew little of the specifics, other than she’d found out about her photon aptitude much later than most operatives, and before that, she had worked as an… exotic dancer. They’d spoken on more than one occasion, usually, when passing each other in the hallway or on Tuesdays and Thursdays when she’d swing by the gym.

Her door was still slightly cracked open when he heard her holler from across the quarters.

“I just need to find a coat! You can come in and take a seat, I’m not entirely naked!”

Ash felt his face flush but pushed aside the feelings of embarrassment. The door opened and Ash stepped in, hearing the door slide and click shut behind him shortly afterward.

0X12’s room was significantly different from Matoi’s and his. There were wooden panels and floral wallpaper, a host of knick knacks on any flat surface with space to spare, a kitchenette area, a dining table for guests. It was also a bit of a disaster at the moment, with clothing flung over several chairs and tossed on the floor -- it’d explain the stray glitter and sequins, at least. Despite not being unclothed, she wasn’t in the main quarters, and the door to her bedroom was closed.

She had gone with the coastal scenery, which displayed the night sky as Ash’s had, as the sound of waves meshed with music that he couldn’t quite name.

“Okay, I’m  _ reeaaaaady _ ! I was going to say decent, but my mama taught me not to lie,” 0X12 said, stepping out of her bedroom as the door slid open. She was in a white, cheap-looking but silky bathrobe mostly sliding down her shoulders though tied tightly around her waist, and Ash could see the hot pink straps of a slip or a tank top over her pale shoulders. Her auburn red hair was tied up in a high ponytail, though bangs still framed her face which was heavily painted in makeup. A pair of large, gold hoop earrings were hooked through a small gap in the panels that replaced her ears.

At 6’7”, she already normally stood well above Ash’s height, and coupled with her girth gave her a somewhat daunting if not… What was the word someone had used?  _ Voluptuous _ physique. So, it was a small comfort that she decided not to wear heels.

“So! What does the  _ savior of ARKS _ want with little ol’ me? I hope it’s nothing dirty cause I’ll be honest, you are  _ way _ too young for me, pick girls your own age you little scamp --” Ash quickly cut her off.

“No! No, it’s nothing like that, 0X12 --”

“Ah, tut tut! No need to use my alias unless you’re clientele,” she’d interrupted. “And it’s only Ms. Carroll if you’re nasty. Just Náid is fine. Come, come, take a seat -- if there are any garments on it just toss it to the side, I’ll take care of it later.” She motioned to a pink couch on the opposite side of the room from the dining table and kitchen but right before her bedroom. Across the couch was a cushy pink chair, with a coffee table that resembled a chocolate eclair.

Náid, unwilling to wait, plopped herself down on the chair. It at least gave Ash space to sit down, as he gently laid a dress over the back of the couch.

“So! I’m no stranger to guests at this hour, but it’s not like you, Mr. Health and Wellness -- don’t look so shy, I see you at the gym all the time -- to be up this late anyway,” she said, an elbow propped up on the left arm of her chair. Her expression wasn’t unkind, but she was looking for  _ something _ . “What gives?”

Ash tensed. Now that he had some time to think about it... It was a lot of ask of someone, wasn’t it? He knew enough about her that she had a ticket to her home ship, but not enough to know if she was the kind of person to give it away freely. Not enough to know if she wasn’t just going to tattle that he was trying to leave.

Well, nothing ventured, nothing gained.

“Well, Náid, I’d heard that, uh… you had a ticket to Ship 32?” The rest of her face remained the same, but Ash could see her already illuminated blue-green eyes widen with realization. Fitted with extensive prosthetics, if he’d recalled the rumors, but not fully a CAST.

“I sure do,” she said, leaning forward to reach a coffee cup on the table. She took a long sip of it before offering an exaggerated grimace and setting the cup down, pushing it away. “Bleh. Cold. Anyway, I have two tickets, actually. Why do you ask?” Náid spoke in a tone that indicated she had an inkling of why Ash had asked, but that she wanted him to explain anyway.

“I was…” Ash trailed off, as he tried to compose his thoughts into a sentence. He couldn’t exactly say, ‘ _ Well, I’d like to run away with Matoi so I don’t have to hurt her _ .’ But that revealed too much and too little all at once, and he had the sinking feeling that Náid would assume less than positive intent.

(Was his intent positive? Was this for Matoi, or was it for him?)

“Matoi has never been off the ARKS campus, and she’s going to be taking missions like a full-fledged operative soon,” Ash said. “I wanted to show her around, make her feel a little less out of place.”

“So why not your home ship?”

“No transport in or out.” His home ship was 1 -- they’d definitely recognize him.

“Mmmm, I see.” Náid looked Ash over. If she could tell he was lying, she didn’t reveal it. She stood up, and leaned over him, her citrus scented perfume hitting him all at once. He wanted to sneeze.

“You didn’t get her knocked up, did you? Cause then I’ll have to drag you home to your mother AND give you a black eye, and I certainly don’t have time in my schedule to talk to anyone in the Council again --” Náid’s eyes narrowed in speculation, as Ash nearly choked on air.

“No! No, no of course not, we’ve never even -- I’ve never even thought of -- she’s not pregnant! We’re just friends!!” Despite himself, he’d started clinging to the back of the sofa like a scared cat. Náid’s demeanor instantly switched to something less threatening.

“Oh, don’t be such a wimp, I was only kidding,” she said, sticking her tongue out. “Anyway, you sure you want to visit Ship 32? Place has been kind of a dump since… well. Forever.”

“I thought all ships were the same?”

“Turns out the less operatives a place produces the less infrastructure funding it gets.” Náid shrugged. “Anyway, it’s not a dump as in  _ completely inhabitable,  _ **_why would you even try going there_ ** , like Themis, but good ol’ Eos is certainly outdated.” Ash had since sat up, back straight, shoulders back like he’d been taught in school, but he remained quiet and listened to her.

“Besides, the tickets are round-trip, but you only have 20 hours after landing to actually explore the place before the outbound ship starts boarding. Miss the ship back, and you’re stuck there unless ARKS decides to bail you out. Not to mention, these tickets’ inbound is in a few hours,” Náid continued, briefly inspecting the cuticles of her nails. “You sure about this?”

“I’m positive,” Ash replied, almost immediately. He’d never been more certain. Náid narrowed her eyes and looked him over again. The brief silence between them was stifling, and he was starting to get nervous.

“Alright, consider it done. Let me shoot you the code you’ll need,” Náid said, breaking the tension as she pulled up her terminal. “They aren’t under my name, just a gift from an old friend. Of course, he’s so busy with his hotel we wouldn’t be able to hang out even if I did visit, so I’ll just catch him during the down season.”

“Wait, really?”

“Yes, really.” She hastily (and almost frantically) closed a few windows, and Ash looked away innocently. “But you owe me one, kiddo. Not often that ARKS lets us leave, even rarer that we have an easy way back home.”

“Thank you! And consider it done, ma’am, anything you need --” Ash said, enthusiastically leaping from his seat.

“Aw, look at you, calling me ma’am,” Náid replied as she stood up in turn, leaning over the table to pinch his cheeks. “You’re a good kid, you know that?” Ash hummed thoughtfully, trying not to yelp as she tugged at his face. It was over in a moment, though, as she clapped his back and urged him to  _ get going _ .

“Remember what I said! The boarding begins in two hours from now, and it’ll take about 6 hours to and from Ship 32. Again, not a lot of operatives, crumbling infrastructure, we don’t get the fastest ships! I’ll have Johnny Thompson or Gwen meet you there!  _ Don’t trust anyone else _ !”

“Understood! Thank you a million times over!” Ash briskly walked out and headed towards his room. He needed to wake Matoi up -- he had a surprise for her.

* * *

In the meantime, Náid had a call to make. She pulled up another terminal, typing in a few numbers, and pulling up a video call screen. A few rings, then --

“Ms. Carroll! To what do I owe the great pleasure? Tell me you’re coming home,” a deep but pleasant voice asked.

“Aww, Johnny, you know I’d love to see you and Gwen in person, but it’s just not in the cards. You know how it is. Mothership is in retrograde, but! I certainly am calling on a favor,” Náid said, pouting over the screen. “You know the one. Business over pleasure this time, sweets.”

“You’re staying behind?”

“Mhm. I’ll get out one of these days, but the youth  _ are _ our future…”

“Rather uncharacteristic of you! Don’t tell me you’ve gotten soft.”

“Oh, come on! This tin woman  _ does  _ have a heart, you know.”

“You could’ve fooled me.”

“ **Anywho** , I’ll send you the deets. I’ll need you to meet these two kids at the port when they land. First one is full name Ashley Ono, just call him Ash, and the second one is Matoi -- no last name, she’s a bit of an odd duck. Would you believe me if I told you they found her in  _ Naverius _ ? Hell of a place to abandon a child. She’s probably going to need to borrow an outfit or two from Gwen, honestly, the two seem to be about the same size and ARKS has done a piss poor job of clothing the poor girl,” Náid continued, pulling up another screen and sending further details to Johnny.

“Oh, how exciting! I’ll start coming up with ideas -- my gosh, look at her eyes Johnny, like little rubies!” A low-pitched but effeminate voice echoed from the background. “Hi Náid!”

“I’ll take a look here in a moment, love,” Johnny said, briefly turning to face Gwen, “Good enough timing, quite frankly. Gwen’s baby fever has been rampant lately.”

“Adoption process not going well?” Náid asked.

“Not at all.” Náid grimaced as Johnny spoke. “In any case, we’ll take as good care of your ducklings as we can until ARKS finds out. And they will.”

“If you need to, give my ID cards to Matoi. Ash is going to be easy enough to hide, but she’s only got records in ARKS Fleet.”

“This is risky.”

“I know.”

“You could get in big trouble.”

“I  _ am _ big trouble. In any case, whether Ash stays or comes back, I’m trusting he wouldn’t try this without a good reason. We’ll talk more later, Johnny. Call me if anything happens. And talk to you later too, Gwen!”

“I’ll try, Ms. Carroll.”

* * *

Gently, but with a great sense of urgency, Ash rushed into their quarters and straight to Matoi’s room.

“Matoi,” he said, audible but soft-spoken. “Get up, I have a surprise for you.” Matoi rolled in her blankets, still half asleep. 

“Mmm… what? What are you talking about, Ash?” Matoi yawned, stretching as she sat up, eyes still closed and hair sticking up in odd places. She rubbed at her eyes with her sleeve, still dressed in an oversized thermal, shorts, and socks.

“Pack some stuff, but not a whole lot. We’re going on a trip.”


End file.
